Yes, aliens. Didn't you know? They've been hiding among us for years!\n\nWell, don't you worry, sweetums. Auntie Agatha knows //all// about the aliens.\n\n[[<- back|previous()]]
"But first," you say, "I need to tell you something." You lean forward, staring directly into the camera and doing your best not to blink. It makes you look suitably intense. "My friend -- the one who gave me this omelet recipe -- her name is Julia. And she told me about something that happened in her house, when she was making breakfast one day." You pause for effect. "And yes, it was an omelet."\n\n* [["You see, the aliens came to her while she was cooking..."|aliens come]]\n* [["While she made her omelet, her home was mysteriously trashed..."|aliens trash house]]\n* [[Take a sip from your handy hip flask|flask][$flask -= 1]]
You crack one more egg, filling your bowl. up to the very edge. <<if $flask lte 2>>"This is going to be a very eggy omelet!" Eggy. Does that make sense?<<endif>>\n\n<ul><li>[[Whisk egg mixture with fork|whisk egg]]</li>\s\n<li>[[Put a little salt in|a little salt]]</li>\s\n<<if $flask lte 2>><li>[[Put a lot of salt in|lots of salt]]</li><<endif>>\s\n<li>[[Take a sip from your handy hip flask|flask][$flask -= 1]]</li></ul>
You've got a hot pan waiting for you already; all you need to do is melt a pat of butter and add your eggs. <<if $eggs is 4>>Your little pan overflows when you pour the eggs in, though, and you soon have eggs sizzling directly on the burner.<<endif>>\n\n"Omelets cook very quickly," you tell the camera. "We'll just need a few seconds for the bottom to firm up."\n\n<ul><li>[[Add some of the cheese|some cheese]]</li>\s\n<<if $flask lte 2>><li>[[Eh, dump all the cheese in there|too much cheese]]</li><<endif>>\s\n<li>[[Take a sip from your handy hip flask|flask][$flask -= 1]]</li></ul>
[img[title]]\n\n<center>[[Click here to enter!!|opening]]</center><<nobr>>\n<<set $callers to 0>>\n<<set $omelet to 0>>\n<<set $flask to 5>>\n<<set $salted to 0>>\n<<set $eggs to 0>>\n<<set $salted to 0>>\n<<set $oversalted to 0>>\n<<set $cheesed to 0>>\n<<set $overcheesed to 0>>\n<<set $ramble to 0>><<endnobr>>
He set up this show as a school project, and the station liked the first episode so much they let you buy time one day a week for the next year!\n\nYour sister doesn't approve, but when was the last time she approved of anything? Her son is perfectly happy to help you spread your message. And it keeps him from joining one of those nasty gangs! You've never seen a gang but you know they're bad.\n\n[[<-- back|previous()]]
You pour the scrambled eggs out onto a plate and hold it up for the camera. "The omelet didn't quite work out, but scrambled eggs are just as good in my opinion!"<<if $eggs is 4>>\n\nThe smoke from your burner finally makes it to a smoke detector, and the file alarm goes off while sprinklers start up. You and your scrambled eggs are soon drenched.\n\nYour nephew grabs the camera and runs for the exit. Today's show is over.\n\n[[Play again?|Start][state.restart()]]<<else>>\n\n"Perhaps if there are any aliens in the area, these lovely scrambled eggs will attract them." You hope so, anyway.\n\n<ul><<if $callers is 0>><li>[[Take a caller|caller1]]</li><<endif>>\s\n<<if $ramble is 0>><li>[[Talk about aliens some more|alien ramble]]</li><<endif>>\s\n<<if $callers is 1 and $ramble is 1>><li>[[What? Out of time already?|out of time]]</li><<endif>>\s\n<li>[[Take a sip from your handy hip flask|flask][$flask -= 1]]</li></ul><<endif>>
Shh. Don't tell the viewers that Auntie Agatha doesn't have any hens. They'd be devastated!\n\n[[<- back|previous()]]
"Before we fold our omelet, we need to add the cheese!" You smile brightly for the camera. Your nephew winces. "Just a little bit, right down the middle here," you say as you sprinkle the cheese into the pan.<<set $cheesed to 1>><<if $eggs is 4>>\n\nThe eggs on your burner begin to turn brown.<<endif>>\n\n<ul><li>[[Fold it over|fold over]]</li>\s\n<<if $flask lte 2>><li>[[Just scramble it|scramble]]</li><<endif>>\s\n<li>[[Take a sip from your handy hip flask|flask][$flask -= 1]]</li></ul>
"In any case, if you need help with alien relations, the best thing you can do is get an expert to help you!" You do your best to project sincerity. "Call the show after our broadcast and I'll get you in touch with [[the best alien diplomats and detectives|alien services]] in the country!"\n\n* [[Thank you for calling, dear|transition from caller]]\n* [[Take a sip from your handy hip flask|flask][$flask -= 1]]
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<<if $flask gte 1>>You pull out your handy hip flask and gulp down some bourbon. Damn, that's got a kick.<<else>>Your flask is empty. Tragedy!<<endif>>\n\n<<if $flask is 4>>Your sister doesn't approve of you drinking on TV, so you down another shot for spite.<<else if $flask is 3>>Everything starts to feel just a little fuzzy.<<else if $flask is 2>>The flask is almost empty! You should really get a bigger one sometime.<<else if $flask is 1>>Your flask is now empty. Stupid tiny flask. ...Hey, is the camera a little crooked?<<endif>>\n\n[[<- back|previous()]]
"Now that we're dome with that, it's time for me to tell you more about the aliens." It is also time to look serious, as this is serious business.\n\n"They are here, among us, at this very moment, watching and waiting. They won't reveal themselves to the world until humanity is ready, but we can help them! If you know of an alien presence, show them your love and acceptance. Make them feel welcome, and they will welcome us to the stars." \n\nYou go on with this point for awhile. It is so important that everyone know and understand that you have to make sure it's clear. Even if you have to repeat yourself a few times.<<set $ramble to 1>>\n\n<ul><<if $omelet is 0>><li>[[Let's get started on that omelet|begin omelet]]</li><<endif>>\s\n<<if $callers is 0>><li>[[Take a caller|caller1]]</li><<endif>>\s\n<<if $callers is 1 and $omelet is 1>><li>[[What? Out of time already?|out of time]]</li><<endif>><li>[[Take a sip from your handy hip flask|flask][$flask -= 1]]</li></ul>
"As always, I love to hear from my viewers! Call in if you need advice or just want to talk!" You smile really, really widely, so everyone knows you're friendly.\n\nOn cue, your producer plays the 'old-timey' ringtone on his phone, and puts a caller on the air with you. "H-hello? Is this Agatha?"\n\n"Yes, sweetie, this is Agatha," you say.\n\n"Well, Agatha," the caller says, "I've been watching your show for a very long time and you really know a lot about aliens. I was wondering, if an alien chose to visit me, how would I know it?"\n\n* [[Look for things out of place|out of place]]\n* [[Don't worry, the alien will make itself known to you|alien will show]]\n* [[Take a sip from your handy hip flask|flask][$flask -= 1]]
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"And now," you say, "these eggs need some salt."\n\nYou add a generous pinch of salt from the nearby bowl to your eggs. "You should be careful with seasoning at this stage. You can always add more salt later, but you can't take it back out." <<if $flask lte 2>>Sometimes, you wish you could go off the rails and do something silly like dumping all the salt into the omelet. But your nephew would probably sigh or something, and he'd tell his mother, and then you wouldn't have a cameraman anymore. Oh well.<<endif>><<set $salted to 1>>\n\n* [[Whisk egg mixture with fork|whisk egg]]\n* [[Take a sip from your handy hip flask|flask][$flask -= 1]]
"Let's get started," you say to the camera. "I have here some lovely eggs, fresh from my hens out back." You show two of the eggs to the camera, pure white and thoroughly storebought. You don't even have chickens, but what your viewers don't know won't hurt them. At least, what they don't know about your eggs won't hurt them.\n\n"And in this bowl here, I've got some cheese, already shredded. Shred it yourself, mind you, don't get the pre-shredded cheese. That stuff doesn't melt right." You hold up the bowl of shredded cheese for the camera. "All I've got in here is some cheddar and a bit of pepperjack."\n\nYou crack an egg into a bowl. "Omelets are actually very simple to make. My friend Julia's recipe is great because it comes out fluffy and cheesy every time!" <<set $eggs to 1>>\n\n* [[Crack another egg|second egg][$eggs = 2]]\n* [[Take a sip from your handy hip flask|flask][$flask -= 1]]
Jenelle Marie
Well, you //are// the best, and while there are other people in the business, they don't really do the job... properly. Hmph.\n\n[[<- back|previous()]]
As your theme music fades away, you smile brightly into the camera. "Welcome to //Breakfast with Agatha!// Today, we're going to make a recipe one of my friends gave me. It's called a Cheezy Omelet!"\n\n* [[Tell a story first|story1]]\n* [[Get started|begin omelet]]\n* [[Take a caller|caller1]]\n* [[Take a sip from your handy hip flask|flask][$flask -= 1]]
"She didn't know, of course. Not for sure. But she described for me these streaks of light, swirling around her kitchen." You wave your arms to illustrate. "Clearly, the omelet attracted them! The [[aliens|aliens what]] must have a connection to eggs and cheese. So, today, we will make an omelet, and record them on live TV!" Behind the camera, your [[cameraman/producer/nephew|nephew]] gives you a thumbs-up.\n\n* [[Get started|begin omelet]]\n* [[Take a caller|caller1]]\n* [[Take a sip from your handy hip flask|flask][$flask -= 1]]
The lights on your set grow brighter and brighter, until you can barely see. Then, a few go out and you can see... them.\n\nAliens.\n\nThey must be here for your perfect omelet! You offer it to them. "Please, try some! It's the best I could make it."\n\nThe aliens look at you, then at the omelet, then they look at you again. You can't make out much of an expression through the slime, but they seem to be... disappointed?\n\nThey disappear.\n\nBehind the camera, your nephew says something thoroughly impolite. "They fried the camera! It's all gone!"\n\nThe show's over.\n\n[[Play again?|Start][state.restart()]]
You slide the omelet onto a plate and hold it up for the camera. "And there you have it," you say, "my friend Julia's very best omelet recipe."<<if $eggs is 4>>\n\nThe smoke from your burner finally makes it to a smoke detector, and the file alarm goes off while sprinklers start up. You and your omelet are soon drenched.\n\nYour nephew grabs the camera and runs for the exit. Today's show is over.\n\n[[Play again?|Start][state.restart()]]<<else>>\n\n"Perhaps if there are any aliens in the area, this lovely omelet will attract them." You hope so, anyway.\n\n<ul><<if $eggs is 2 or $eggs is 3 and $salted is 1 and $cheesed is 1>><li>[[Wait! What's that light?|the light]]</li>\s\n<li>[[Take a sip from your handy hip flask|flask][$flask -= 1]]</li>\s\n<<else>><<if $callers is 0>><li>[[Take a caller|caller1]]</li><<endif>>\s\n<<if $ramble is 0>><li>[[Talk about aliens some more|alien ramble]]</li><<endif>>\s\n<li>[[Take a sip from your handy hip flask|flask][$flask -= 1]]</li>\s\n<<if $ramble is 1 and $callers is 1>><li>[[What? Out of time already?|out of time]]</li><<endif>><<endif>></ul><<endif>>
"She heard noises, out in the living room. But when she went to look... there was no one there, but everything had been knocked over and one of her windows was open, she said." You can't hold out any longer; you have to blink. "It is my personal belief that [[aliens|aliens what]] visited Julia that day. Perhaps they like cheese and eggs. Perhaps they don't. But they were undeniably attracted to her home as she cooked that omelet. And I will sacrifice my set if I have to, to broadcast evidence of them to the world!"\n\n* [[Get started|begin omelet]]\n* [[Take a caller|caller1]]\n* [[Take a sip from your handy hip flask|flask][$flask -= 1]]
Breakfast With Agatha
Your nephew taps his watch. You have to stop yourself from scowling at him. Your message is important! Why won't the station give you the time you need for it?\n\n<<if $flask lte 0>>"Have a good night," you say. "An', an' remember, the aliens're out there."<<else>>"Good night, everyone!" you say brightly. "Keep an eye out for the aliens, and remember: if you help them they will help us!"<<endif>>\n\n[[Play again?|Start][state.restart()]]
You smile for the camera. "And now we're going to add the cheese!" You grab the bowl full of cheese and dump it all into the eggs, covering your entire omelet.<<set $overcheesed to 1>><<if $eggs is 4>>\n\nThe eggs on your burner begin to turn brown.<<endif>>\n\n<ul><li>[[Fold it over|fold over]]</li>\s\n<<if $flask lte 2>><li>[[Just scramble it|scramble]]</li><<endif>>\s\n<li>[[Take a sip from your handy hip flask|flask][$flask -= 1]]</li></ul>
"Thank you for calling today, dear," you say.\n\n"Wow. Um, thank you for the great advice!" She doesn't sound entirely sincere.\n\n<<if $flask lte 0>>"Don' thank me," you slur. "I'm the best. The best alien expert ever. 'S why I got this show. Show you, girlie. Show you allllllll...."<<else>>You let it go. You're not drunk enough to pick a fight right now.<<endif>><<set $callers to 1>>\n\n<ul><<if $omelet is 0>><li>[[Let's get started on that omelet|begin omelet]]</li><<endif>>\s\n<<if $ramble is 0>><li>[[Ramble about aliens for a few minutes|alien ramble]]</li><<endif>>\s\n<<if $omelet is 1 and $ramble is 1>><li>[[What? Out of time already?|out of time]]</li><<endif>>\s\n<li>[[Take a sip from your handy hip flask|flask][$flask -= 1]]</li></ul>
"Don't worry, dear," you say. "If there is an alien presence near you, the alien will make itself known to you if you're worthy."\n\n"How do I know if I'm worthy?"\n\n"It depends on the alien," you reply. "Some like beautiful gardens, some like large libraries. And some even like good cooking!" You grin. It's funny, right? Of course it's funny.\n\n* [[You should hire an expert!|expert]]\n* [[Thank you for calling, dear|transition from caller]]\n* [[Take a sip from your handy hip flask|flask][$flask -= 1]]
You crack another egg and add it to the bowl. "My [[hens|hens]] are laying quite well this year," you say. "It's great, because I love fresh eggs."\n\n<ul><li>[[Crack another egg|third egg][$eggs = 3]]</li>\s\n<li>[[Whisk egg mixture with fork|whisk egg]]</li>\s\n<li>[[Put a little salt in|a little salt]]</li>\s\n<<if $flask lte 2>><li>[[Put a lot of salt in|lots of salt]]</li><<endif>>\s\n<li>[[Take a sip from your handy hip flask|flask][$flask -= 1]]</li></ul>
<<if $overcheesed is 1>>This won't be easy.<<endif>> You tilt the pan and slip your spatula under the edge, then fold the omelet over.<<if $overcheesed is 1>>Inevitably, some of the cheese escapes you, but you get the job done. It isn't pretty, but it's definitely an omelet. <<else>>It folds over easily, just as you'd practiced.<<endif>><<if $eggs is 4>>\n\nThe egg on your burner starts smoking.<<endif>>\n\n* [[Serve it up|serve folded][$omelet = 1]]\n* [[Take a sip from your handy hip flask|flask][$flask -= 1]]
You grab your fork and whisk your eggs until they're uniformly yellowish and a little bubbly. <<if $eggs is 4>>Some of the egg mixture sloshes out of the bowl, but who cares? You're on TV!<<else>><<endif>>\n\n* [[Dump your eggs in the pan|into the pan]]\n* [[Take a sip from your handy hip flask|flask][$flask -= 1]]
"And now," you say, "these eggs need some salt." \n\nEarlier, your nephew had thoughtfully filled a tiny bowl with salt for the show. You grab the bowl and dump all of the salt into your eggs, then grin at the camera.\n\nBehind the camera, your nephew facepalms.<<set $oversalted to 1>>\n\n* [[Whisk egg mixture with fork|whisk egg]]\n* [[Take a sip from your handy hip flask|flask][$flask -= 1]]
You add the contents of another egg to the bowl. "Omelets are a great way to eat fresh eggs. You can definitely tell the difference!"\n\n<ul><li>[[Crack another egg|fourth egg][$eggs = 4]]<li>\s\n<li>[[Whisk egg mixture with fork|whisk egg]]</li>\s\n<li>[[Put a little salt in|a little salt]]</li>\s\n<<if $flask lte 2>><li>[[Put a lot of salt in|lots of salt]]</li><<endif>>\s\n<li>[[Take a sip from your handy hip flask|flask][$flask -= 1]]</li></ul>
<<if $overcheesed is 1>>This won't work. There's far too much cheese in here for the omelet to fold neatly.<<else>>Well, you did say you were making an omelet, but it's best to keep the viewers on their toes.<<endif>><<set $omelet to 1>>\n\n"You know what?" you ask the camera. The camera does not answer. "I'm going to scramble this instead." You start mixing the eggs and cheese together, and soon have a pan full of very serviceable scrambled eggs and cheese.<<if $eggs is 4>>\n\nThe egg on your burner starts smoking.<<endif>>\n\n* [[Serve it up|serve scrambled][$omelet = 1]]\n* [[Take a sip from your handy hip flask|flask][$flask -= 1]]
"That's easy, dear," you say. "All you need to do is look for things around the house that are out of place. Aliens are subtle, and they send us messages through the things in our homes and workplaces."\n\n"Really? What kind of messages?"\n\nShe must not have been watching your show for long. Still, everyone could use a refresher now and then. "Many of their messages are inscrutable to our human minds, and they vary depending on where and what has been moved."\n\n* [[You should hire an expert!|expert]]\n* [[Thank you for calling, dear|transition from caller]]\n* [[Take a sip from your handy hip flask|flask][$flask -= 1]]